Restlessness

Feeling restless today. Some might define it as anxious. Like a lot of things, it’s both. Something inside me just longs for more. More of what? My internal dialogue questions. I struggle to answer, but all I can hear in my head, is more of everything.

Everything. That sounds terrifying. Am I sure I want more of everything? In a way, yes. Do you every just feel stuck, and numb, like through the daily grind your just fading? Into what? I suppose complacency, mediocrity, nothingness.

I don’t often confront my feelings. Usually, as soon as I feel them surfacing I push them to the side, compartmentalizing is my coping method of choice. I search to fill my mind with anything else, world events, politics, language, music, anything can do the trick.

Normally I’m not even honest with myself. Ugh. But today, on here, I want to be. You see, I want to travel, desperately. Not just anywhere, but to the woods and mountains. I wonder if I’m just running. I’ve done a lot of that in my life. Escaping is easier than facing the reality of potentially getting hurt or hurting someone’s feelings. At least, at first it is. We all know how avoidance usually ends. Not good. Although escaping is tempting, it’s not really that.

No, I’m not running away, instead I want to run to. To what? A challenge, a way of life that is so simple yet so extreme. What’s keeping me from going? Responsibilities, relationships, reality…is the three r’s a thing? Ha, ha. While those are valid, and I recognize them, I’m going to continue to dream and to plan.

I’m curious, what do you feel restless for?